He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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