i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
