You're a womanizer and a bitch.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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