Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
