Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
