Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
