Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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