You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize