so that wasnt chicken after all
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
