i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
