you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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