masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
