Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
