I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
