I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
