I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
