So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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