He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
