i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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