so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
