If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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