just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
