Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
