my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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