All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
