I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
