I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
