remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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