Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize