Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
