On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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