This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
