RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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