Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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