Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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