are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
