things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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