guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
