so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
