I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
