direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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