Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
honey bunches of taint.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
