he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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