Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
