Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
