guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
