Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
