i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
