This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
