glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
