he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
