my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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