So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
