The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
