that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
