Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
