Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
