The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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