He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
