First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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