He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
