I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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