so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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