im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
