We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
