I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
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