I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
